FAQs: Does someome's drinking bother you?
What is the difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic?
If someone's drinking bothers you, and the drinking is affecting their relationships, your should take steps to get help for yourself first. Even if they think they do not have a problem, it helps to talk to someone else who has been through it.
Where can I get help? I am afraid of what will happen to them.
There a a few things to do now. Visit Al-Anon's web site at the link below. Then find a meeting near you or online. We think you will feel better when you walk out of the meeting, as you will know that you are not alone. Don't worry about not knowing how to act or what to say. There are a million people just like you. Life with an active alcoholic can be like a pressure cooker. Go ahead and open the release valve, now. It takes courage, but you can do it.
Why do they lie so much? I want to trust them, but I feel I can't.
They promised they wouldn't drink again and I believed them because I really needed to believe them. Alcoholism is a disease of relationships. It is a progressive disease. Their life may be increasing becoming isolated and focused on that next drink and how to drink guilt free. Many people want to stop drinking but they cannot manage that on their own. Hitting bottom means that someone admits they need have a problem and need help to stop drinking and they surrender. They get sick and tired of being sick and tired. It is when the desire to stop drinking finally exceeds the desire to drink. Many find Alcoholics Anonymous. They have a 42% success rate. Find an open AA meeting near you or online. Open meetings are noted as such and anyone can attend one.
What does it mean to work the steps?
Step work means you read through the steps and are taking a look at what each one means to your personally. You learn how to be healthier emotionally, mentally and physically. The 12 steps walk us through our attitudes and reactions towards addictions. Getting a sponsor can turbo charge your recovery.
If I talk to them about their drinking, they get so angry. They deny that they have a problem. Is
Denial plays a huge part in this disease. It is hard to watch someone's life go downhill. This is a cunning and baffling disease. It affects all aspects of their life.
Help and Hope for Family members of addicts
I need help outside the weekly 12 step meetings I attend. How do I find a sponsor?
What do you do about someone else's drinking?
I use the 12 steps of Al-Anon to move through the process of learning about addiction and what I can do about it. Al-Anon and Alateen together comprise Al-Anon Family Groups (AFG) whose primary purpose is to help families of alcoholics. You are free to pick out your own Higher Power and map out a strategy for a program of recovery. Each group functions independently. Some groups work on one step a month. Others do topical discussions on things such as fear, anger, control, resentment, and powerlessness. Where should you in particular start?
You may wish to start with a slogan like One Day at a Time or Easy Does It. or you can start with step one. We have literature available to help you get started. Our store is here: Al-Anon Store.
Another thing to do is to get a program sponsor. A sponsor is like a half friend and half life coach who can support you in finding and staying on your best path to recovery from the effects of someone else's addiction. Attend a few meetings near you and listen to the more experienced members speak. When you find someone who says things that help you the most, why not ask them to sponsor you for 6 months? Don't be discouraged if the first person says no. It is not a reflection on you.
Often the group's phone list will indicate who is open to sponsoring, so you don't have to hesitate to ask. If there is no recent phone list for the group, then start one. Let it begin with me is one of our slogans.
If you are going to walk through a minefield, be smart enough to follow somebody! Leverage the recovery work of others by listening to their stories and finding a sponsor. A sponsor is someone with whom you can confide the circumstances of your life so you can get some guidance for what steps or slogans to focus on. It is not always easy in Al-Anon to get someone to commit to being a sponsor for you. Many people instead informally sponsor each other. It can save you time and aggravation as they have been through this minefield before.
I was recently asked by a beginner “What is meant by the principles of this program? I understand the 12 steps and the 12 traditions, but to what 'principles' is the Al-Anon literature referring?” She thought it was a dumb question. It was actually a brilliant question. She was putting together a big picture of recovery, so she could map out a strategy to learn. I explained that together the steps, the traditions, and the concepts comprise the three legacies of recovery, (which is why the AFG logo has a triangle in it). All together the legacies, the meetings (in person or online), the literature, the slogans and a partnership with a Higher Power, and sponsor, comprise the basic principles of the Al-Anon program. They form a holistic strategy for coping and recovering.
We work steps 1, 2 and 3 to understand the disease of addiction, hope for a source of help and plug into resources. We work steps 4, 5 and 6 to understand ourselves, grow in peace, and learn how the proximity of the disease has affected us as an individual and a family.
What are 12 step meetings like? Well, we are not all that scary. We are just like you. We found it helps to talk to someone who understands. If you don't want to talk, just come and listen. Meetings are free. In time, the members will come to feel like family.
How do I get started?
The first step is to find a meeting near you. Going to a meeting on line or in person will start to let some of the steam out of the pressure cooker, so you can breathe again. You are not alone.